We gotta just let it work out, right? I do truly enjoy working out, always have. As I worked out this weekend I was reminded of the idea that not everything works out as planned. I have been super hard on myself each time I do not complete whatever is on my to do list fast enough. Thing is I always have the list in the back of my mind at the ready to be completed. This constant reminder is stopping me from living fully in each moment. I am not getting joy out of being, living or even completing my to do list. It's not working out.
I am a planner my nature... honestly my lists have lists.... yet I truly want to live in each moment. I took a look at what living in each moment means to me over the past three days and realized that ONLY I have the power to persuade myself.
Living in each moment has some how become lounge around the house as much as possible and do nothing. The concept came out of me doing so much everyday. So I had convinced myself that if I do nothing then I am giving myself the ability to live in the moment. Yeah... RIGHT!! I just enabled my own laziness. Yes, granted I am in school full time, work a full time job and am a single mother. Honestly, my story in this regards is not unfamiliar or uncommon. And at the end of the day you just have to WORK IT OUT. Balance is the key yet beyond that knowing what you want is essential. 2 lbs of water is very different then 2 lbs of flour. In other words finding the balance does take some degree of planning as well as some degree of adventure.
I have given up ALL the adventure to enable the laziness. I am great at finding someway to endorse whatever it is or how I am living. Which in itself is an amazing talent. I just have to work it out so that it is doing more good then harm.
SOooo.... I have to figure out what is flour and what is water. Water being the things I need to sustain myself and flour being the pleasures of life.
Water: Work, school, motherhood, healthy eating, drinking water, exercising and sleeping
Flour: Reading, writing, crafting, traveling, hiking, listening and dancing to music, watching films and communing.
Looking at my flour, which is not a whole lot, I realize that side of my scale is lacking. Sure I do some of those but not all of those things and definitely not in an abundant ways. It even seemed, as I was writing the these, that some of the flour would be like chores or tasks to complete compared to my water. Questions like where would I find the time, how do I even start, why would I waste the time or that is going to be too difficult came up. Realizing that those questions are fear based and self conversations of lack I wrote my list anyway. Having a list to add to the list is not my goal here. My goal is to see where I can add balance to my life.
Now that I have a list I get to work it out.
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